Have you ever just felt so overwhelmed by life? Although I have overcome the lowest point of my depression I know that it is a constant companion. I make a constant choice to choose joy daily, but then sometimes I fail and chose hopelessness. If you have ever gone from being an overcomer to feeling completely defeated this blog is for you. Continue reading to learn how I am dealing with being overwhelmed and why I will be blogging once a month.
Overwhelmed by Life
As I mentioned in a previous blog, my trigger is being overwhelmed. Over the last few months, I have felt extremely overwhelmed by life. At my job, I coordinate a county-wide 4-pronged program. I accomplish this with zero-resources, limited guidance and a staff of one (a.k.a ME). This is my first full-time job since graduating with my masters and I have been working here for almost a year and a half. I handled this position smoothly for the first year. Unfortunately, year two has been much more difficult for me. In addition to the basic deliverables required for my program, I took on a lofty enhanced project that engages business and community members. This is an amazing project and opportunity for me. Nevertheless, the challenge of having only six months to build a team and implement this project has been nerve wrecking.
The Signs & Impact of Being Overwhelmed
This challenge has spiraled me back to the anxiety, dread, and self-doubt I experienced as I struggled my way through university. I had been so proud of myself these last few months for balancing work, blogging, side-hustling and socializing seamlessly. Now this one project has exposed all my insecurities and consumed my mind intensely. Due to this, I have had to put a pause multiple areas of my life in order to stay sane. I was excelling at daily goal setting, writing for extra income and blogging. Now I am just happy if I can convince myself to wake up. My social anxiety has amplified causing me to replay every imperfect action or phrase more than usual. Self-doubt has consumed my mind and convinced me that I am totally incapable. Depression has washed over me causing me to dread my existence. Life has become utterly exhausting. All this has made me feel like I am the same broken girl from years ago. As though I have made zero progress.
How I am Overcoming
The biggest heartbreak is feeling disconnected from everyone. It’s difficult to express why I am completely overwhelmed by life and how it feels mentally. Even if I did no one’s words have the capability to comfort me. So I simply feel isolated and alone on my island of despair. Then I remind myself that God is with me always and understands the struggles that I can’t verbalize. So I turn wholeheartedly to God. This time not out of despair and anguish, but with an attitude of hope and joy. I thank God that His promises are always true and reliable. I use scripture to remind God (and myself) that of His promise that my weakness will be made perfect in His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9). Then I reflect on the fact that I felt this way before and have overcome. So I proclaim His will for me to have peace and believe I will once again overcome.
This has helped me to lay out all my weakness before Him and claim my victory through him. It also reminds me to have grace with myself just as God has grace towards me daily. This grace and the support of my sister has allowed me to be ok with needing to blog less. Moving forward I will Then I simply continue to remind myself to have faith, to trust God and believe things are working out.
Believe You Will Overcome (because you will)
For all the women (and men) that have felt isolated and overwhelmed by life, you are not alone. I am simply a 26-year-old woman fighting depression and anxiety each day just like you. Jesus said that this life would have troubles, and He wasn’t lying. However, I know firsthand that when you struggle with depression and anxiety than ever mundane tasks feel like trouble. Not to mention every obstacle feels like confirmation that your life is doomed to fail. It’s not easy to believe you are an overcomer, but you already are. Just claim your victory, and consciously repeat it to yourself. Your mind will subconsciously tell you so many lies. To overcome this, you have to actively (out loud) downplay the bad and tell yourself positive truths. I know that everyone’s situation is different, and understand this advice may not be for you. However, I truly believe there is hope for every unique situation, even yours. If you suffer from severe mental illness or thoughts of suicide I want to encourage you to seek help today. Find a local therapist or contact the National Suicide Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255 or texting “START” to 741-741. Please feel free to share your experience with low self-esteem or share what helped you heal from low self-esteem in the comments. You sharing may be the hope someone else needs.
What I am currently reading to help me overcome: The power of Positive Thinking
(If you use this affiliate link to buy the book it will help, make a small dent in my debt payoff journey. However, you can also check your local library to read this book for free. I am genuinely enjoying the message of this book and believe you will too.)