Have you ever found yourself making the same poor relationship mistakes over and over again? Whether it is fits of jealousy or choosing the wrong men, the answer may lie in your past. Last week I told you that you needed to set a standard for what you deserve. This week I want to ask, are you able to attract and contribute to a healthy relationship? In this post, I will share why it is important to heal from your past and prepare for a healthy relationship.
How is Your Past Impacting Your Dating Life?
Growing up I never had an example of a healthy relationship. I saw relationships filled with inconsistency, disrespect, and lack of teamwork. To add to this I had lots of insecurities because I was bullied, felt unwanted and dealt with trauma. Now add these factors together and compound them continuously across X years. I believe every attitude, fit of silent treatment or irrational argument and accepting less than I deserve can be traced back to those broken examples and inner turmoil. After years of therapy and a long journey towards growth and healing, I have realized a truth. You must actively work to heal from your past and prepare for a healthy relationship. If you don’t, then you will attract more unhealthy relationships. Or worse you will damage a healthy relationship.
Focus on Healing NOT Dating
No, you don’t have to be perfect, but you should be a reflection of what you desire. Are you healed or taking the steps to heal from past trauma? Do you live up to the standards you desire in a partner? If you can not answer yes to these questions then you need to heal from your past NOT date. Healing requires a lot of unpacking the baggage of your past and rebuilding that hurt into something functional.This is a time to seek professional help to unpack your past. Spend time truly reflecting on things close friend and family point out about you, and then if it’s true and if so why. Pray over the brokenness of your past. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. There are so many ways to begin healing. When I shared why I am thankful for my depression I revealed some of the tools that helped me accomplish this, check it out.
Prepare For and ONLY Accept a Healthy Relationship
As I mentioned you do not have to be perfect to start dating. Healing typically is not a destination, but a continuous journey. As you heal from your past you should begin to notice that you attract different quality men and act differently in a relationship (even in friendships). Stay alert, because often times we are so used to the mess we dealt with so long that we miss the feeling of it. This may cause you dislike or feel unworthy of something in a healthy relationship. Be mindful of this so that you do not regress in your healing journey by accepting anything less than what you deserve.
As always, everyone’s experiences are different. If you are not ready for the work needed to heal from your past and prepare for a healthy relationship that is ok. I truly believe there is hope for every unique situation. My hope is that you will not hurt yourself or others by jumping into an unhealthy relationship. As always, if you suffer from severe mental illness or thoughts of suicide I want to encourage you to seek help today. Find a local therapist or contact the National Suicide Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255 or texting “START” to 741-741.
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