As far back as I can recall my mind has been a liar. If you have struggled with depression you will get where I am coming from, because the depressed mind is the world’s greatest and most convincing liar of all. My mind convinced me that no one would care if I was gone, heck lives would be better if I was gone. My mind convinced me that nothing I did was every good enough and that I was Imperfect. My mind convinced me that no one wanted to hear what I was going through because I was just being overdramatic. My mind convinced me that I should always expect that everything always goes wrong no matter how hard I try. My mind convinced me that I was an unlovable mistake. Thankfully I know now that these were all truly lies from the devil sent to eat me up inside and fuel my depression.The depressed mind is a liar! #mentalhealthawareness #depression Click To Tweet
Honestly, for years I never knew I was depressed, it wasn’t until my second year of college that my symptoms were given a name. Prior to college, I can remember at a very young age just having crying spells, suicide ideation and negative thoughts about my worth that I never really voiced and if I did it was in an unhealthy way that scared off friends. My senior year in high school something so small as break-up drama had turned me upside down and cause me to attempt suicide, but thank God my methods were futile. If you are familiar with the statistics, men choose more violent methods like guns, they are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than females. This is despite the fact that females attempt suicide twice as often as males. This was my truth and I thank God I failed. That passed and I nor my family ever addressed this issue. In college I was in a new environment, with new freedoms and trying to cultivate a social butterfly image of myself; all while trying to juggle school, work, and volunteering. At this point I started to experience the physical symptoms of depression: getting sick often, constant fatigue, forgetfulness and physically just checking out of life to do nothing. By now I just thought I was lazy, I thought I was having allergies for the first time ever in life and I figured I just needed more sleep. WRONG!
Things had begun to transition towards rock bottom, and then a good friend of mine encouraged me to go to counseling and told me that our college offered free sessions. I was weary at first, but willing to try so I did. I won’t lie my first experience with therapy wasn’t fantastic and I eventually stopped going, but now my symptoms had a name and that was my first step. Once I had hit my true rock bottom I knew I needed a legitimate check out from life, so I took time off from school mid-semester, moved from Florida to Maryland to live with my sister and found a therapist whom I began to see weekly. I had for the first time really started to speak about my negative thoughts and traumatic experiences instead of holding it in and had found the strength to begin to share what I was going through with select family and friends. After three months I felt ready to transition back to school, and I made sure I found a counselor at school that was the right fit for me so that I could continue making progress.
My journey has not been perfect or easy and yours probably won’t be either, but I encourage you to seek professional help to name your mental health status and find paid and unpaid support to talk about what you are experiencing. Once you do those two things determine what lifestyle tools you will need to add to your mental health toolkit in order to cope with and overcome different aspects of your mental health status. It’s so possible to function normally and in many cases heal from mental health diagnoses.
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And If you enjoyed my story, check out Adenike’s Story also.Let's talk about mental health Click To Tweet