In my depression story, I shared that I live with Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD and how I manage the symptoms. Even with the determination to persist, depression is annoying. I am constantly learning about the mechanisms of my depression, and the more I know the more annoyed I am with it.
On one hand, I’m glad I understand my body and my mind, and what triggers my depression. On the other hand, I’m annoyed that I have no control over what the chemicals in my brain are doing. Yes, it’s science that when I exercise my endorphins increase and my mood is elevated, so I can try to be preventive by exercising. But then there are times, like during premenstrual syndrome, that I’m depressed and uncontrollably sad. On those days everything makes me cry: the news, the weather, homeless people, situations at work and of course the fact that I’m feeling sad. This double whammy passes in about three days, but the depression persists like a looming dark cloud. These moments of lack of emotional control, despite my best efforts, do exist
Depression is annoying because although I am depressed, I don’t want to be viewed as invalid nor crippled by my MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEM. It is very important to me that my friends and family know I am strong. I want them to know I am not pretending when I give jokes, when I laugh or when I am enjoying moments of life. Even though I have my challenging moments with my depression, I can help my friends when they are down or go through challenging times. Even though depression may steal my joys some days, I am funny and a natural comedian. Even though some days I feel hopeless, every day I wake up I make the decision to push on and be grateful to see another day. This is my normal and I do not want to be treated as if I am fragile, breakable or stoic because of my depression.
Most of all, depression is annoying because once the cat is out the bag that you suffer from depression people sometimes change towards you. They analyze your level of sincerity during past engagements, and question if you were being disingenuous. For all those people, I can say I honestly don’t know if I was being genuine or not. My struggle is my truth and my truth is my struggle. I can’t give in to the feelings of wanting to be the version of myself that wants to be invisible. This is especially true because I am a mother. I have to be present for my son and I have to work to maintain our livelihood, so I get up every day and live as “normal” as I know how.My struggle is my truth and my truth is my struggle. https://coorelifestyle.com/depression-annoying/ Click To Tweet
Depression is annoying, so if I let you in don’t judge me or treat me differently.